Escape to Paradise: Your Dream i Hotel Awaits in Zhongli, Taoyuan!
Escape to Paradise? More Like a Zhongli Surprise! (A Review That's Actually Real)
Okay, hold onto your hats, folks, because I've just survived – I mean, experienced – the “Escape to Paradise: Your Dream i Hotel Awaits” in Zhongli, Taoyuan. And let me tell you, paradise is a slippery word. This review is going to be less brochure, more… well, me. Buckle up, it's gonna be a ride.
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Meta Description: My brutally honest review of "Escape to Paradise" i Hotel in Zhongli, Taiwan! From accessibility to the surprisingly decent soup, I spill the tea (and the coffee) on everything! Expect laughs, opinions, and maybe, just maybe, a tip or two.
Let’s Dive In (and Maybe Slightly Regret It)
First things first: Accessibility. They claim to be accessible, and I'm gonna try and be fair. There's an elevator, which is a huge plus. Seeing as I am generally mobile, though, I can't fully attest to the actual usability of the accessible rooms - I didn't get to experience them. The lobby looked relatively easy to navigate, though. So, a tentative thumbs up, pending further investigation (I welcome accessibility reviewers, feel free to DM me!).
The "Things To Do" Rabbit Hole:
Okay, so "things to do." Let's start with relaxing. You've got your usual spa, your sauna, your steam room, and a pool with a view. Sounds dreamy, right? Wrong. The spa was…fine. Nothing mind-blowing. The pool? Crowded. The view? Let's just say it wasn't exactly overlooking the Maldives. I spent, oh, maybe 20 minutes poolside before I decided the sun was actually trying to actively melt me. This is where I give myself the space to make a quick aside on Body scrubs and body wraps. I did not undergo either because, again, the sun.
The Fitness Center: I'm not a gym rat, but I dabble. This gym was functional. The equipment was there, it seemed to work. I, however, only felt the urge to walk in and walk right out again. It felt sterile, like the place where exercise goes to be…well, exercised on by other people.
The Food Odyssey (And The Soup That Saved Me):
Alright, food. This is where things get interesting. The hotel boasts a variety of dining options, and they mostly deliver. Asian cuisine and Western cuisine are on the menu – a buffet breakfast, a la carte dining….
The buffet was the highlight. A veritable feast of Asian and Western options. Freshly baked bread? Check. Scrambled eggs? Sorted. Waffles? YES! AND the Asian breakfast had these little rice porridge bowls with a perfect soft-boiled egg…. But the real hero? The damn soup. Seriously. They had this simple, comforting soup – I think it was a vegetable broth – that was so good, I almost cried. It was a small bowl of pure, unadulterated happiness. I'd go back just for that soup. Seriously. You know, let me take a moment and talk about the Coffee/Tea situation. They had coffee. Good enough. Tea? Fine. Nothing I will blog about, but enough to get the day going.
And for the picky folks…They had Vegetarian Options.
Dining and Drinking & Snacking: They had a Bar, a Poolside Bar, and a Snack Bar. I got a drink at the pool and I am pretty sure it was 40% water 30% cheap liquor and 30% disappointment. However, you may have a different experience.
Rooms & Amenities: The Good, The Bland, and The Slightly Bizarre
My room was…well-equipped. Air conditioning, a decent TV (satellite channels), free Wi-Fi, which actually worked (a HUGE win!). A desk, a safe box, and a refrigerator, all the basics. I had the standard, non-smoking room. The bathroom phone was… a novelty. Did I use it? Nope. The towels were soft and fluffy. The bed felt… fine? It might have been an extra-long bed, but I'm not sure I can confirm, now that I think about it.
The "Added Touches"
- Alarm Clock: It worked!
- Bathtub: I took a bath, it felt… adequate.
- Bathrobes: Yes.
- Closet: Functional.
- Coffee/Tea Maker: Excellent.
- Daily Housekeeping: Check.
- Hair Dryer: Present and accounted for.
- Mini Bar: Overpriced.
- Slippers: Hooray!
- Wake-Up Service: I'm always awake.
- Umbrella: I'm not sure, it was cloudy.
- Additional toilet: My room did not have an additional toilet.
- Smoke Detector I hope it worked
- Mirror: Present and accounted for.
- Shampoo: Okay, I guess.
Services & Conveniences: The Fine Print
- They have 24-hour Room Service: I didn’t try it.
- Concierge: They helped me find a good dumpling place.
- Laundry Service: It's there (I didn't use it).
- Daily Housekeeping: Fine, as I previously stated.
- Luggage Storage: Helpful!
- Currency Exchange: Convenient if you need it.
- Business Facilities: I saw a Xerox machine.
Cleanliness and Safety: The COVID Edition
I’m not going to get too bogged down in the COVID protocols, BUT I will say I saw that the staff were wearing masks, there was hand sanitizer everywhere, and they claimed that they thoroughly cleaned the rooms. There was also the occasional Hygiene certification on the wall. They are clearly trying. However, I can't say if they are using anti-viral cleaning products.
For The Kids (Family Friendly?):
They advertised themselves as family-friendly, and yes, they have some facilities for kids and a Babysitting Service (I didn’t need it). I saw some kids, they seemed to be having fun.
Getting around:
- Car Park [free of charge]: Yes! (That's a win!)
- Airport Transfer: Available.
- Taxi Service: Yep.
The Verdict: Is It Paradise?
Nah. But is it a perfectly decent hotel in Zhongli? Absolutely. Is it worth the price I paid? Yeah, probably. Would I go back? Maybe. Mostly for the damn soup. And if you’re in Zhongli, and you need a place to stay, this one is perfectly acceptable. Just don't go expecting a life-altering experience. Go for the soup, the convenience, the (mostly) good Wi-Fi, and the fact that, despite all my nitpicking, it’s a perfectly decent place to rest your head after a long day.
Final Grade: B-. (That Soup, though… that soup almost bumped them up a grade!)
Escape to Paradise: Hotel Christof, Your Dream Italian Getaway
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this is gonna be less a perfectly polished travel brochure and more a messy, hilarious, and hopefully relatable diary entry about my whirlwind trip to i hotel Zhongli in Taoyuan, Taiwan. Consider this my brain dump onto paper (or, you know, the internet) as it all went down.
Day 1: Arrival - Jet Lagged and Judging the Lobby Art (and Myself)
- 8:00 AM (or so, who really remembers?): Landed at Taoyuan International Airport. Smacked myself awake. The flight was a blur of airplane peanuts and questionable in-flight movies. I swear, I spent half the time trying to figure out if the guy across the aisle was secretly a mime. He never moved. Creepy or brilliant? Still undecided.
- 9:30 AM (ish): Taxi ride to i hotel Zhongli. Okay, first impression? The lobby art is… something. It's like modern art had a baby with a fever. I'm not sure if I love it or hate it, but I’m definitely judging it. And, let's be honest, probably judging myself for my general lack of artistic appreciation too.
- 10:15 AM: Check-in. Smooth enough. The receptionist smiled a lot, which is always a good sign. My room? Tiny. Adorable, but tiny. Reminds me of my first apartment, which, ironically, was also adorable until I tried to actually live in it.
- 11:00 AM: Nap. Sweet, glorious, jet-lag induced nap. Woke up feeling vaguely like a melted ice cream cone.
- 1:00 PM: Lunch! Found a little noodle shop around the corner (after wandering aimlessly for a good 20 minutes). The broth was heavenly, the noodles… a bit… slippery. Almost choked. But the locals seemed to be having a great time, so I figured I'd blend in, even though I felt like a clumsy panda.
- 2:30 PM - 5:00 PM: More wandering. Got completely, utterly lost. Endlessly looping through the same little streets. The feeling of being lost in translation is a very real one. And my phone died. Ah, the classic traveler’s plight!
- 5:00 PM - 6:30 PM: The Bathroom Revelation: Back at the hotel to de-stress. The bathroom had this amazing, over-the-top shower with multiple settings. You know that feeling when you turn on the water and the pressure's either a drizzle or a fire hose? This was neither. It was a perfectly calibrated, gentle, invigorating massage. I stood there for probably a full hour, rotating through all the settings, letting the water just melt away all the stress and the lost-ness. Seriously, I considered moving into that bathroom. It was the best part of the day.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at a local restaurant the hotel recommended. I have no idea what I ordered. Pointed at a picture. Prayed for the best. It was… interesting. Let's leave it at that.
- 8:30 PM: Collapse into bed. Jet lag has completely won.
Day 2: Culture Shock, Sticky Rice, and Karaoke Calamity
- 7:00 AM (Sort Of): Woke up. Briefly considered staying in bed. But the allure of something was too high.
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast at the hotel. The breakfast buffet was… extensive. So many choices! Got overwhelmed and ended up with mostly toast and a suspiciously green smoothie. Pretty sure it was made of something that glowed in the dark.
- 9:30 AM: Headed to a local temple. The air was thick with incense and serenity. Found myself feeling a surge of calm, which was immediately ruined by my inability to figure out how to properly hold the incense sticks. Kept nearly setting my hair on fire.
- 10:30 AM: Went to a local market! Got a taste of some delicious fried chicken, but I have no idea what the other snacks were. There was the weirdest looking fruit that looked like a bright yellow porcupine (more on that later…). Bought a souvenir keychain that had a hilarious typo. Score!
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. Got some sticky rice wrapped in leaves. It was so good. The texture! The flavors! I could eat it for days.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Trying to take the public transit. It was terrifying, but fun (once survived). I successfully made it to a park or two, got lost, and figured it out.
- 3:30 PM: Back to the hotel for a break.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at a restaurant with my new friends. I'll keep it brief.
- 9:00 PM: Karaoke Night! Oh boy. I thought the karaoke was a good idea. Until I got up there and I completely forgot the lyrics. My voice cracked. I danced like a drunk octopus. I think I may have even fallen over. But you know what? Everyone was laughing, and having a blast. Maybe karaoke is about being bad, not good.
- 11:00 PM: Stumbled back to my room, smelling vaguely of beer and mortification. Fell asleep almost instantly.
Day 3: Goodbye, Zhongli! (And Hello, More Adventures!)
- 8:00 AM: Checked out of the hotel. Had a final, glorious shower.
- 9:00 AM: Last-minute market visit, trying to find that porcupine fruit, but alas… I'll be back!
- 10:00 AM: Left.
Reflections (and Random Ramblings):
- Food: The food was incredible, challenging, and sometimes a complete mystery. I loved the noodle shops, the sticky rice, and the sheer variety of choices. I also discovered a newfound respect for my digestive system. It handled it all like a champ.
- People: The people of Zhongli were incredibly kind and patient, especially with my terrible Mandarin skills and general clumsiness. I felt welcome, even when I was clearly lost and confused.
- i hotel Zhongli: The hotel was clean, comfortable, and in a good location. The bathroom shower was the true star.
- Overall: This trip was a mess, and I'm so glad. It was a hilarious adventure filled with amazing new experiences and things that made me feel uncomfortable.
So that was my Zhongli trip. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Would I go back? Absolutely. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a nap. I'm exhausted. And I can't wait to plan my next adventure! (But first, I need to find some decent karaoke lessons.)
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So, what *is* this whole thing about, anyway? Am I, like, supposed to be impressed or something?
Honestly? Good question! It's... a bunch of stuff. Okay, okay, more specifically, it's supposed to be a collection of common inquiries. Think of it as me, attempting to explain *something*, to *someone*, occasionally. Whether you ARE impressed depends on your tolerance for rambling, my questionable grammar, and the fact that I'm basically making this up as I go along. I swear, the pressure of 'answering' is making my coffee weak, or I just don't have enough coffee. Maybe both!
Is this going to be boring? Because I have a very low boredom threshold. Ask my cat. He judged me for watching a *whole* episode of a show about competitive cheese carving.
Look, I can't *promise* you won't be bored. My brain is like a squirrel on caffeine; it bounces all over the place. There will be tangents. There will be personal anecdotes (prepare yourself, the memories... ugh). There will be… well, let's just say it won't be a sterile, corporate-approved experience. Think less "PowerPoint presentation" and more "me, at 3 AM, fuelled by questionable snacks and a sudden urge to share my deepest thoughts." If that's *your* jam, then welcome aboard! If not, then hey, no hard feelings, go find some competitive cheese carving, maybe?
Okay, okay, I'm still listening. What’s in this digital rabbit hole? Like, what kind of *topics* are you covering?
Oh, the *topics*... Well, I *intended* to keep it focused. I swear I did! But my brain is a chaotic librarian, filing things in alphabetical order... and then occasionally rearranging everything into a completely nonsensical system. So… expect musings on EVERYTHING. Life, the universe, and everything in between. (Sometimes the stuff in between is the *best* stuff, right?)
What if I don't understand something? Are you going to judge me? Because I already feel judged by my houseplants.
Understand? Heh. Honey, I *barely* understand myself half the time! Ask away! Seriously. If something's unclear, if I've gone off on a tangent that leaves you utterly baffled, DO NOT hesitate to ask. I'm probably just as confused as you are. And no, I will *not* judge you. Unless you think pineapple belongs on pizza. Then, we might need to have a serious conversation. And by "serious conversation," I mean I'll probably just give you a withering stare and quietly judge you from afar. But that's it! No actual judgement.
Is this all, like, *your* opinion, or are you trying to be objective? Because I hate when people are boringly ‘objective’.
*My* opinion? Honey, this whole thing practically *bathes* in opinion! Objectivity? Boring! I am going to be as opinionated as a grumpy cat forced to wear a tiny hat. Prepare yourself for rants, celebrations, and possibly, well, some poorly-thought-out pronouncements on the state of the world. I am not, repeat NOT, qualified to say most things. Consider them as ‘informed ramblings’ at best.
You mentioned "personal anecdotes." Should I be worried? Are we talking embarrassing stories? Because you know I love those.
Oh, you *want* the messy stories, do you? Alright, prepare yourself. We're talking, like, the time I accidentally set my hair on fire trying to impress a cute barista. (It involved a lighter, a faulty gas stove, and a severe lack of common sense.) Or the time I tried to bake a cake and ended up with something resembling a hockey puck. And believe me, there are *plenty* more where those came from. Consider yourself warned. This is my catharsis, and hopefully, your entertainment.
Ok, let's get into the deeper stuff, like… what kind of life experiences have molded you?
Okay, deeper stuff, here we go. (takes a deep breath, pulls up a chair) I lived on a boat for a while! Actually, not that long. The constant rocking REALLY got to me, and I got seasick and missed solid ground. I *LOVED* the idea of it, but reality… not so much. Also, the sheer amount of effort it took to keep the darn thing afloat was INSANE. The endless repairs, the dampness, the cramped space! Then there was this time I… (pause for dramatic effect)… tried out for a reality TV show. It was a *total* disaster. I thought I was being quirky and charming; the producers thought I was… well, let's just say they thought I was *too* quirky, and not in a good way. I remember the casting director's face when I told a joke about a chicken crossing the road, but made it SO long, it nearly passed the actual audition time. It was excruciating. But you know what? I still laugh about it now. The world doesn't need more bland people, and I was, at least, unforgettable. And there was that part-time job I had working as a… (leans forward conspiratorially)… a professional dog walker. Except, I was, uh, incredibly clumsy and once tripped over a pug, causing a chain reaction that sent three Labradors into a muddy puddle. (Yes, I still feel the shame.) Good times!
What are your pet peeves? Gotta know the enemy, right? Or, more importantly, the person who's probably going to rant at some point.
Oh, my pet peeves! Where do I even *begin*? Let's see... People who chew with their mouths open. Loud talkers on public transport. Slow walkers who block the entire sidewalk. (Seriously, people, *move*!) When someone brings up a story halfway through, without any necessary framework. And the worst of them all? People who are chronically late. Because I HATE being late. I'm not very good at it. I get stressed, I get anxious, and I start muttering under my breath. (And sometimes, I mutter at *them* under my breath. Sorry, slow walkers.) Oh, and the one thing that *really* gets to me is... (sighCoastal Inns
